Sri Chinmoy & Me


This past summer I took a trip to Seattle to consult with a new doctor, a well respected naturopath who I decided to write into the next chapter of my healing story.  Part of my trip was gifted with hospitality from a dear friend who lives in the Fremont section of Seattle.  This charming neighborhood sits along the banks of the Lake Washington Ship canal.  For over thirty miles along this stretch of water there is a path that the healthy city of Seattle paved for runners and cyclists to enjoy.  I recently began running again after years of being held back by knee pain due to Chronic Lyme Disease.  It was exciting to re-connect with the long dormant athlete inside me while visiting a city that whole-heartedly supports running culture.  I set off to run this stretch of scenic Seattle, equipped with my iphone and that fresh tourist sense of wonder.

Moments down the canal, I ran past a striking bronze statue that stopped me and whispered for me to turn around.  I felt a natural awe from the serenity of this figure. His face was so calm and the energy he emanated was light and kind.  I thought whoever this person was he must be important.  Deep in that recess of my mind where the higher self speaks, I knew I would soon learn of him.  I took a few shots to capture the moment and ran on with a peaceful vibe now pulsing through my pace and adding to my love for this Oh-So-Beautiful-Seattle.

5.0.3Months later on a crisp fall day in NYC, I was walking on the Upper East side after a doctors appointment and noticed a flyer for a free group meditation that upcoming weekend.  Committed to keep saying YES to opportunities that helped me quiet my mind, I decided to go and asked a friend to join me.  I like the idea of communal meditation.  There is a heightened power that manifests when a group of human beings share a concentration of prana.  The year before I participated in a guided meditation along with over one thousand people during a visit to Omega Institute where I saw John of God.  The spiritual mind-scape I traveled that day was powerful and much deep healing took place.  Seeing this poster activated an innate craving for that super-charged meditative state I had experienced before.

The event was held in All Souls Church on Lexington Ave.  This is a breathtaking space with pale pink walls, majestic cream pillars and chandeliers that drop from the ceiling like luminous hands reaching down from Heaven.  Greeters at the door beamed warm accepting smiles as we entered the chapel.  We slipped into an old world pew and onto its lush red velvet cushion.  The mature crowd was lovely and it felt pretty cool to be doing this on a Saturday night instead of pushing my adrenals on the dance floor.  This night owl was turning a corner.

I soon learned that this was an evening in honor of late Indian Sage, Sri Chinmoy.  Historic video clips showing him playing different instruments like the flute and Indian esraj were shared from his 1989 Chicago Peace Concert .  Slides of Sri in meditation were combined with live singing by his students.  I knew nothing of this spiritual master but quickly fell in love.  I noticed that his eyes were so young and his skin profoundly wrinkle free.  It was in this moment that I became mindful of the tension I hold in my face, especially around my eyes and I let it go.  While in his exalted state there was a soft radiant smile on his face and I could see that he was connecting to the Divine.  I noticed that his OM went inward, not outward.  He took it in like a butterfly he was swallowing, a pranic lozenge coating his insides. Lightbulb!  I had been OM-ing outward, giving away the vibration while Sri Chinmoy drew an OM into his body and allowed the vibration to echo and radiate within.  He wasn’t giving his OM away.  This was another new idea for me.  To inhale my OM, take it in and swallow its energy.

SriChinmoyThe friend sitting next to me has a gentle open spirit and turned out to be the perfect person to share this experience with.  I even surprised myself by reaching for his hand and allowing myself to connect in a new way.  Our fingers held each others as our arms melded into one.  I took off and traveled to distant places doing intense healing work on painful family relationships all while anchored to a kind soul in the now.

I traveled to California and gathered my half-brother and sister both of whom I have never met in person.  I took their hands and we formed a circle around our father who is quite a sick man.  Together we beamed him love.  A great white light poured out of my chest Care Bear style.  I haven’t seen my father since I was young and he caused a lot of suffering in our lives yet all I felt was pure love for him.  Then I was back in NJ holding hands with another brother and sister.  Together we surrounded our mother with bright GOD fueled white light.  My left brain felt certain this intense work would stop there yet it continued onto other family relationships in need of healing.  I even went back to a traumatic childhood memory and re-wrote the script.  I changed the story therefore changing the cellular memory around it.  I was shifting.  My ethereal body was getting to do the work it needed to.  Ultimately this meditation blew my mind.  Sri Chinmoy’s expert technique of using different musical instruments to enhance the meditative state was quite effective and I was putty in his lyrical hands.

After the concert I was hanging out with my friend scrolling through random photos in my phone that I wanted to share.  As pictures whizzed by we briefly glanced at the shot I had taken in Seattle of that unknown statue.  It was like I was running past him again. This time the face suddenly looked familiar.  Was this Sri Chinmoy whom I had photographed?  Of course it was.  Hello Sri.  We were surely destined to meet and I thank you for this bliss.

 “When we meditate, what we actually do is enter into the deeper part of our being.  At that time we are able to bring to the fore the wealth that we have deep within us.  Meditation shows us how we can aspire for something and then achieve it.  If we practice meditation daily, then we can rest assured that the problems of our life, inner and outer, are solved.”

– Sri Chinmoy




Where I Meditate

IMG_7380I began taking meditation seriously in the fall of 2012.  I was in a stir of intense healing activity and was willing to do whatever it took to restore my mind, body and spirit. I was also told by three separate practitioners that I was dealing with a ‘spiritual issue’.  During a long prayer I asked GOD for direction and received a message that I needed to pray inside churches for 10 days straight.  Well OK then.

At the time I was seeing and hearing strange things.   While laying in bed at night, disturbing images and voices would impede my already delicate sleep state.   This had been going on for years but I thought it was a side effect of the sleep medications I was on.  It never dawned on me that these were anything more then hallucinations.  That this was a spiritual issue and I was possibly the target of energetic troublemakers was damn hard to believe.  However the more I healed, the more medications I came off, revealing my true natural state and leaving these very real experiences un-explained.

LIChurch1 I began finding a church wherever I happened to be that day.  If I was in Morristown for a colonic, I went to the Methodist Church by The Green where my Grandmother took me when I was a little girl.  If I was out on Long Island for cranial sacral, then I would retreat into St. Francis, dowse myself in holy water and stay awhile.  After real estate classes in Secaucus, I would dip into the church on Main Street and treat myself to some peace. Wherever I was, I would use my Iphone to find the nearest open church and get my butt there to pray for protection and healing.  Soon I realized that these quiet sanctuaries were the perfect places to meditate.  After I kneeled down and rattled off all my wants and needs to GOD, I situated myself as comfortably as I could with my palms up positioned to receive.  Then I quieted my mind and listened.  Surprisingly my racing thoughts settled easily and I was able to drop into deep sedating meditations.  I found myself sitting for an hour at a time, softly frozen on a wooden pew, receiving messaging from my higher self, receiving messages from GOD.

HobokenChurch1One day at the Methodist church in Morristown men were working on the roof of the chapel.  As I sat and meditated I couldn’t help but hear the banging and hammering sounds above.  I thought of my cousin who grew up in this town and  died tragically at the age of 27.  He was a chimney sweep and so the combination of the sounds from the roof and being near his home connected me to him.  At first my mind went many places.  I observed these seeds of thought without judgment.  Then the intelligence became more focused as a message was being delivered.  I consciously sat still to receive it.  My cousin showed me his mother and his siblings; an aunt and cousins I am estranged from due to deep family wounds.  I saw myself walking up the steps of my aunt’s house, hugging her and smiling easily with my cousins.  These ‘experiences’ felt good.  Cathartic.  It seemed clear to me that my cousin was showing me his wishes for reconciliation or maybe it was GODs creative way of helping me to process and heal these broken branches.

SecaucusChurch1After a rogue fall snowstorm I pulled up to find that the day’s real estate class had been cancelled.  Well then I was surely going to use this extra time for an open-ended meditation at a nearby church.  Not having a time limit always allowed me to go deeper.  Years ago my sister Crystal was in a state rehabilitation facility in the same town and I ended up at a church just down the road from the building I used to visit her in.  On Sunday afternoons I would travel from Spanish Harlem taking two trains, a bus and a long walk to get to her.  She was here six months and I visited often on the open family days.  Secaucus equaled Crystal times heroin plus schlepping in uncomfortable sandals on hot summer days.  Difficult, painful energy that I was ready to transform.

churchcryWhen I entered this church the first thing I took in were the colorful stained glass windows depicting various Christian scenes.  One window stopped me in my tracks and pulled me right in.  An image of a blonde Angel and an auburn haired woman.  It distinctly resembled a miraculous vision I had two weeks after my sister died from the ravages of drug addiction.  I sat down and allowed whatever needed to, to exit and fill my mind.  Crystal came through fast and clear.  She showed me how she had been treated poorly at home after I moved out of the house.  It wasn’t easy to take this in but for some reason she wanted me to know.  I consciously steadied my mind and body and allowed myself to be a vessel that she could fill.  Visions of my nephew filled this space.  The son she had to leave behind.  What I felt was intense and beautiful so tears ran in strong currents down my face.  Snot poured out of my nose but I did not budge.  I did not break the connection or allow noise on this line.  She was communicating with me and there was no greater gift.  Nothing more delicious.  Tell me sweet sister.  Even though it pains me to know, I am listening.  I felt honored.  This church meditation experiment was turning out to be no joke.

LIChurch2Where I am now is different.  This meditation sweet spot has shifted.  A good amount of devastation and stress in my life since the fall of 2012 changed my course.  I am trying to find my way back to these vibrant meditations but so far I have not been able to get back in this deep.  Maybe I am not supposed to.  Perhaps this period of time served its purpose and was just a temporary gift.  It certainly was delicious though and got my attention so I continue to carve out time to drop into churches, close my eyes and allow.  I dip my fingers into the Holy Water and rub it on my temples, the back of my neck, my third eye & heart chakras.  If I could bathe in holy water I would.  Usually there is at least one other person sitting quietly inside the church.  I assume they are praying to GOD for there is a need in their life.